My recent acid trip

[MrGrave]

I don't how appropriate it is to talk about doing drugs on iX. I know some people are prejudiced against drugs, and may not agree with my attitude toward entheogens, but from experience I'd like to say I think entheogens should be available in church. I think the only thing wrong with entheogens is that the only people that do them are partiers looking to escape every day reality and have a good time. They should be related to spirituality, not just music concerts and parties.

I'd say the greatest spiritual experiences I've ever had were on LSD, mushrooms and salvia. The problem was I had these experiences in the context of a bunch of people looking for a good laugh and not looking to further themselves in this respect. Anyway, I'd like to talk about my last two trips just as a personal piece with no real point that I can think of.

I've done LSD 5 times, and mushrooms probably around 10 times, salvia 4 times (that worked, I've done it a couple times without it working when I was in HS, you remember Aubryn). Sunday and Monday were the 4th and 5th time I did acid. On Sunday I saw Tool in Salt Lake City and tripped my balls off. Holy shit on a stick. I came to some realizations, but they were just tripped out ones, not really worth much. Just things like how I should treat life with a now or never mentality. It was a weird night, especially later. Later was very strange for me, my mind was pretty foggy and confused.

Monday, however, was different. my friend wanted to do acid for the first time, and he wanted someone there that knew what they were doing. He didn't enjoy it, he said it felt like he was sucking on a penny, his mouth was sticky and uncomfortable. I, on the other hand, had the best trip of my life. I am forever changed. I think the reason was because I wasn't trying to trip for any particular reason. He wanted to do it so I just did it with him, I didn't even have time to think about it before the little piece of paper was in my mouth. I wasn't expecting anything, and then I started to feel warm and really, really good, and I just didn't care about shit, life was amazing. Life was perfect. Life was simple. I just did whatever, no needs or cares or anything. Everything I said, I said just to say it, each word existed for the word itself and not for the message I was trying to convey. I could think more clearly than ever before.

To sum up the night first we played some Dead Space while the acid was kicking in. Then we watched Pink Floyd's The Wall which tripped me out unbelievably hard. After that we played some more Dead Space but he didn't want to play cause it was too fucking scary. I was enjoying it. Then we watched Office Space, and I remember when the main character gets hypnotized and put in a really relaxed state of mind where he can do anything without giving a fuck... that's how I was feeling. After that we watched Fear and Loathing and the movie made sense like never before.

Occasionally I would feel the fear, like some anxiety, like a question as to what I should do. It's that uneasy feeling we all get from time to time, like where we're not comfortable but even if we do something we're still not comfortable. This is when beer, a cigarette, snuff or most especially, a bowl helps. The thing is, I was so high beer did nothing. Realizing this, I saw behind the goal of drinking beer and just drank it for the sake of drinking it. Each sip existed for itself, not for drunkenness. I tasted every puff of a cigarette and enjoyed it. I just accepted the moment with no strings attached. If you sit, sit; you stand, stand. Don't smoke a cigarette in shame, if you smoke it, enjoy it. Taste it, revel in it. Feel and enjoy every decision you make, even the bad ones.

When that fear came, there's no way around it. There's only a way through it. Instead of trying to escape it by worrying or thinking of what you can do, just feel it. Just ride it. You're becoming conscious when you feel that fear. Because you feel it without labeling it, without thinking it. Thinking is a manifestation of consciousness. It's a transformation from awareness to form. When you feel the fear, use your awareness, don't try to find form to distract you. Feel it and it turns into peace, into greater presence.

And that's something I learned. Before this moment, I've left every trip feeling like I went back to reality, feeling like I've gained nothing, like I still have to awaken from a point of deep unconsciousness and dissatisfaction. I remained deeply conscious, deeply present, to the very moment I fell asleep this time. And I woke still aware of my own awareness. As I write this, I still feel it. It was one hell of an amazing trip.